英検1級道場－英作文の採点基準について、元受講者から意見が届きました
10月6日に試験があり、今回の英作文のトピックは、下記でした
Are free trade agreements with other countries the best way to promote economic growth?
10月7日に英検がHPで速報を出し、その中に「解答例」が紹介されていました
解答例はYESの立場で論じていて、サポートする論点は下記です
1.market sizeが大きくなる
2.the cost of goodsが下がる
3.international exchange of ideasが活発になる
私自身も基本的に同じような論旨で書きましたが、時間内に書き終えるのが精いっぱいで、英語表現で心残りが多い出来でした
そんな中で、英作文が好きな元受講生が、下記の作品を送ってくれました
NOの立場での議論ですが、これはこれで説得力があります
■元受講生作品：
A growing concern nowadays is that free trades agreements with other countries are the best way to promote economic growth. I disagree with this opinion. I’d like to explain my opinion with three reasons in this essay.
First of all, in terms of tariffs, free trade agreements with other countries may mean to collapse domestic industries. In other words, a free trade without any tariffs with other countries can allow other countries to bring foreign goods into the country freely and threaten to the existence of domestic markets.
Secondly, in light of immigrants, due to the increasing number of foreign workers caused by free trades might lead to the unrest of the national employment rate. For example, some European countries are suffering from extra number of immigrants. In other words, they are elements of depriving nationals of their job opportunities.
Finally, in regards of trade imbalance, there may be a possibility that free trade agreements can be an inequality of agreements between other countries. For instance, the country that has stronger economic power is likely to hold other countries’ economic situation, which leads to the imperialism.
I would like to emphasize again, imposing tariffs, the number of immigrants and the possibility of trade imbalance are three reasons why I do not believe that free trade agreements with other countries are the best way to promote economic growth.
■下記は、上記の、元受講生作品のグーグル翻訳です
最近、他国との自由貿易協定が経済成長を促進する最善の方法であるという懸念が高まっています。
私はこの意見に反対です。このエッセイでは、3つの理由を挙げて私の意見を説明したいと思います。
まず、関税の観点から、他国との自由貿易協定は国内産業を崩壊させる可能性があります。
言い換えれば、他国との関税のない自由貿易は、他国が外国の商品を自由に国内に持ち込むことを許し、国内市場の存在を脅かす可能性があります。
次に、移民の観点から、自由貿易によって引き起こされる外国人労働者の増加により、国の雇用率の不安定化につながる可能性があります。
たとえば、一部のヨーロッパ諸国は、移民の過剰数に悩まされています。
言い換えれば、彼らは国民から雇用機会を奪う要素です。
最後に、貿易不均衡に関して、自由貿易協定は他国間の協定の不平等になる可能性があるかもしれません。
例えば、経済力の強い国は他の国の経済状況を支配する可能性が高く、それが帝国主義につながります。
関税の課すこと、移民の数、貿易不均衡の可能性は、他の国との自由貿易協定が経済成長を促進する最善の方法ではないと私が考える3つの理由であることを再度強調したいと思います。
■ネイティブに見てもらい、修正した作品
A growing concern nowadays is whether free trade agreements with other countries are the best way to promote economic growth.
I disagree with this opinion, and I’d like to explain my stance with three reasons in this essay.
First of all, in terms of tariffs, free trade agreements may harm domestic industries.
In other words, a free trade arrangement without any tariffs allows foreign goods to enter the country freely, potentially threatening the survival of domestic markets.
Local industries may struggle to compete with cheaper or more efficient foreign products, leading to job losses and economic instability.
Secondly, with regard to immigration, the influx of foreign workers resulting from free trade agreements could lead to challenges in the national employment rate.
For example, some European countries have experienced difficulties due to an excessive number of immigrants, which has contributed to job competition and concerns about nationals losing employment opportunities.
Finally, there is the issue of trade imbalances.
Free trade agreements could result in unequal benefits between countries.
For instance, economically stronger countries may exert undue influence on weaker ones, creating a form of economic imperialism.
This imbalance may limit the growth potential of smaller or less developed countries.
In conclusion, the risks associated with tariffs, immigration, and trade imbalances are key reasons why I do not believe free trade agreements with other countries are the best way to promote economic growth.
■ネイティブに見てもらい、修正した作品のグーグル翻訳です
今日、他の国との自由貿易協定が経済成長を促進する最善の方法であるかどうかという懸念が高まっています。
私はこの意見に反対であり、このエッセイでは3つの理由を挙げて私の立場を説明したいと思います。
まず、関税に関して言えば、自由貿易協定は国内産業に損害を与える可能性があります。
言い換えれば、関税のない自由貿易協定は外国の製品を自由に国内に持ち込むことを許可し、国内市場の存続を脅かす可能性があります。
地元の産業はより安価またはより効率的な外国製品との競争に苦労し、失業や経済の不安定化につながる可能性があります。
第二に、移民に関しては、自由貿易協定による外国人労働者の流入が、国の雇用率に課題をもたらす可能性があります。
例えば、一部のヨーロッパ諸国は、移民の数が多すぎるために困難を経験しており、それが雇用競争や国民の雇用機会の喪失に対する懸念につながっています。
最後に、貿易不均衡の問題があります。
自由貿易協定は、国間の利益の不平等をもたらす可能性があります。
例えば、経済的に強い国が弱い国に過度の影響を与え、一種の経済帝国主義を生み出す可能性があります。
この不均衡は、小国や発展途上国の成長の可能性を制限する可能性があります。
結論として、関税、移民、貿易不均衡に関連するリスクは、他の国との自由貿易協定が経済成長を促進する最善の方法ではないと私が考える主な理由です。
■上記の、元受講生作品とネイティブ修正版を並べてみました（ボールドがネイティブの修正）。
これは、論旨はそのままにし、原文を極力活かし、文法ミスを修正し、意味が明確になるようにとの観点で修正したものです。
例えば、生け花教室で生徒が花を生け、先生に見てもらったら、剪定鋏で直してくれた---といったイメージでの修正です
A growing concern nowadays is that free trades agreements with other countries are the best way to promote economic growth.
A growing concern nowadays is whether free trade agreements with other countries are the best way to promote economic growth.
I disagree with this opinion. I’d like to explain my opinion with three reasons in this essay.
I disagree with this opinion, and I’d like to explain my stance with three reasons in this essay.
First of all, in terms of tariffs, free trade agreements with other countries may mean to collapse domestic industries.
First of all, in terms of tariffs, free trade agreements may harm domestic industries.
In other words, a free trade without any tariffs with other countries can allow other countries to bring foreign goods into the country freely and threaten to the existence of domestic markets.
In other words, a free trade arrangement without any tariffs allows foreign goods to enter the country freely, potentially threatening the survival of domestic markets. Local industries may struggle to compete with cheaper or more efficient foreign products, leading to job losses and economic instability.
Secondly, in light of immigrants, due to the increasing number of foreign workers caused by free trades might lead to the unrest of the national employment rate.
Secondly, with regard to immigration, the influx of foreign workers resulting from free trade agreements could lead to challenges in the national employment rate.
For example, some European countries are suffering from extra number of immigrants. In other words, they are elements of depriving nationals of their job opportunities.
For example, some European countries have experienced difficulties due to an excessive number of immigrants, which has contributed to job competition and concerns about nationals losing employment opportunities.
Finally, in regards of trade imbalance, there may be a possibility that free trade agreements can be an inequality of agreements between other countries.
Finally, there is the issue of trade imbalances. Free trade agreements could result in unequal benefits between countries.
For instance, the country that has stronger economic power is likely to hold other countries’ economic situation, which leads to the imperialism.
For instance, economically stronger countries may exert undue influence on weaker ones, creating a form of economic imperialism. This imbalance may limit the growth potential of smaller or less developed countries.
I would like to emphasize again, imposing tariffs, the number of immigrants and the possibility of trade imbalance are three reasons why I do not believe that free trade agreements with other countries are the best way to promote economic growth.
In conclusion, the risks associated with tariffs, immigration, and trade imbalances are key reasons why I do not believe free trade agreements with other countries are the best way to promote economic growth.
