英検1級道場－英作文の書き方について、造詣の深い人から意見を聞きました
昨日の英検1級英作文のトピックに元受講生（1級合格者）が挑戦して作成しました。
けして模範解答ではありません。ネイティブから見れば、修正箇所満載かもしれません。
ただ、挑戦する姿勢がすばらしいと思い、ここに掲載します
英作文はとにかく書いてみること。
1級に挑戦する皆さんは、まずは自分で挑戦するということから始めてください。
Can individual privacy be protected in the modern world?
A growing concern in the world is whether or not individual privacy can be protected in the modern world. I think that individual privacy can be protected properly through appropriate measures. I’d like to explain my opinion with three reasons in this essay.
First of all, private information law should be strictly regulated more than now. For example, most individual information is stored by big IT companies such as “GAFA.” I’ve heard that they sometimes sell personal information which they gathered to other companies. Every government in the world should impose them on a strict law.
Secondly, moral education should be implemented to each individual. For example, this kind of education; once we get others private information, we must not prevail to public, if not necessary. This type of mindset is crucial for protecting individual privacy.
Finally, in terms of every personnel department of each company, they shouldn’t inform others with their employees’ private information. For example, each employee’s individual information such as family structure, birth place and educational background should be clandestine.
I’d like to emphasize again, regulating private information law, implementing moral education and strengthening companies’ information culture are three reasons why I agree that individual privacy can be protected.
(202 words)
英検1級道場では、受講者に上記のように書いてもらい、ネイティブ（日本在住のALT、アメリカでは英語の先生）に添削を依頼し、原文をできるだけ損なわないようにしながらアドバイスをいただいています。
イメージ的には、華道で、花を活けて先生に直してもらうと格段に見栄えがよくなる、といった修正のしかたです。
興味のある方は、下記をご覧ください。
https://mbp-japan.com/chiba/eiken/seminar/1200643/
