英検1級道場－2019-1英検1級英作文　元受講生作品をネイティブが添削してくれました－参考になればと思い、紹介します

先日、元受講生が書いてくださった英作文作品を紹介して皆さんのコメントを求めました
英作文添削を手伝ってくれているアメリカ人が添削してくれたものを紹介します
この人は、日本で言うと、国語の先生だそうです

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2019-1　英検1級英作文問題　TOPIC
Agree or Disagree: Infectious Diseases Will Become a Bigger Problem in the Coming Decades.

■ A growing concern in the world nowadays is that infectious diseases will become a bigger problem in the coming decades.
In my opinion, it will not become a bigger problem.
I would like to explain this cause with three reasons in this essay.

〇　A growing concern in the world nowadays is the belief that infectious diseases will become a greater concern in the coming decades. History has shown that many infections and diseases can be eliminated or contained via effective methods. Therefore, I disagree with the topic under discussion. My reasons are stated below.

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■　First of all, unlike old times, medical research is further progressed than before.
Once an infectious disease is discovered somewhere in the world、researchers in the world will soon try to find out the causes to prevent it from becoming a pandemic.

〇　Firstly, the continued improvement in medicine, research, and technology. Unlike in the past, medicine has significantly improved. Vaccination and screening programs are implemented and are conducted throughout many countries to detect and to protect the population from contagious diseases. Scientists and researchers are continuously discovering medicines to prevent and to swiftly combat the possibility of an outbreak.

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■ Secondly, information technology like face book or twitter will be able to inform people in the world of the symptom quickly if it happens.
Every government will be able to think about how they will have to deal with it in advance.

〇　Secondly, the advancement in communication technology. The internet is an effective platform that can be used to promptly inform the public of possible outbreaks and the precautions and measures taken to protect oneself from becoming infected. Many countries are in partnership to track, monitor, and respond to possible disease threats. In the case of any infectious disease discovery, epidemiologists and disease detectives will be instantly deployed in the infected regions to contain and to prevent a pandemic outbreak.

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■　Finally, Immigration Bureau system becomes fur stricter than before in every country.
For example, in order to prevent the person who contracts an infectious disease should not be allowed to enter the country by enforcing strict health check.

〇　Finally, the Immigration Bureau within each country has become stricter than before. They have implemented various control and prevention measures to prevent diseases from entering their country by enforcing strict health checks.

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■ I would like to emphasize again, in terms of progress of medicine, quick information technology by SNS and stricter check by Immigration Bureau are three reasons why I disagree that infectious diseases will become a bigger problem in the coming decades.

〇　In conclusion, due to the aforementioned, I doubt that infectious diseases will be of greater concern in the coming decades.

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忙しいあなた
休息が必要です

身体のストレッチ、脳波を下げて瞑想をする
1日の中でそんなひと時をもつのはとても意味があります

私は、定休日以外、毎日、スタジオに通って体を鍛え、心の安定をはかっています
体力、気力、集中力、記憶力が高まっています！
下記を覗いてみてください
https://ameblo.jp/brainandmind-dahnyoga/
https://ilchibrainyoga-funabashi.com/

■動画
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDDCt1MoDEo←アメリカのスタジオでトレーナーが動きを丁寧に説明：英語の勉強になります
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOhbeSKwQk8&list=PLzBffnngawuUUYeMtRVl-GvnuKbv4zW7V 習っている気功の一つです 天符神功